Belief is Unspoken.. and unspoken it should stay !

Are you a servant of God.. or God is serving you.. or you do not even care or even against the whole existence of God.. you need to believe in something.. else you have converted your life to your own prison !

Believing is not a choice anymore.. it is not personal issue between you and God.. why when I believe in myself is something I am OK to reveal, but believing in God is not ? anyway this is not about believing in God.. because most readers will be offended and think it is not my business :)

Believing is not a choice.. wherever you turn your face you've got to believe in something, yourself? the Universe? God? something .. right? Why do we need to believe..

Belief allow you to be the Creator.. when you believe.. then you go beyond the known and you become the Creator of the KNOWN !
Believing is not a personal agenda anymore.. it is about crossing all red lines because your belief will give you the needed momentum to your extraordinary thought that kept you awake day and night.. you thought of the all the red lines that you will carry your thought across rumbling rivers of resistance and change .. and stand proud in the other side where no one even dared to look !

That what belief is..

The ritual of white board

She was eight.. love those stars of all times,

dicovering numbers are infinite and stars are moving..

the biggest disccovery.. everything is moving.

Do not worry about the details.. they will all change in a second..

It all changes .. it all moves

She went on in life learning to write.. no white boards in the sixties...

Learned God is love..

wipe it out and fell in love with clouds..

Wipe it out.. go back .. white boards are in the eighties..

its not there anymore.. God is not love.. God is all..

Details and more details.. she wiped it all.. so many times..

there is always new discoveries to make..

never worry about a details because all will come to a change..

Forty more years, she finally has her own white board

today God is not all ..

today God is.. because she is

No need for details.. even this will change..

...walking through the glass door...

It was around Xmas time, office was starting to get more quiet as people are taking off. Around 2 PM, it was so quiet, just perfect moment to drop the pen.. take eyes of the PC screen and stare at the light coming through the window.. Colleagues in the room were quiet too .. they just came back from lunch (smile).. my thoughts were soaring towards the sky of May, the blue sky with white clouds.. smiling at a thought that May was and is my happiest month in the year. Its my choice of months.. December is not my choice, I was raised to love it for its spirit of sharing and accepting.. but May is my choice, its the month of a new value which we earn as we grow older (I guess..): the value of being! that's what May brings around: a fulfillment of the existence of existence itself ! My God what a thought.. then ... then.. boom.. trishhhhshshshhh.. what happened???? We ran to the hallway someone was saying Lin walked into the glass door !

After days went to see Lin, after laughing about what happened.. I asked Lin "how did it feel to walk through that door?" Lin looked at with that big smile.. cuts on his face and hands.. he said.. that day I received a message from my mother telling me and telling me... my boss was telling me .. I was telling me... I was listening to all of them and said to each ne "sure when I have time !".. "mom, you know am listening.." . You know all this telling is so nice.. no need to think .. just say ne word and advise will pour in form all directions..

I decided to take a break, Lin continued, took off for a walk and felt my life is being in a cubical.. sometimes it gets so small.. it just kills me.. I saw it .. the big wide glass door that I was watching the world through.. everybody was telling me.. but everybody far from my touch.. our touch.. I am safe behind that grand glass door.. I want to touch that tree.. smell that flower.. touch that wound.. and smile back to that friend who was telling me how to run my life.. I want to smile back and put my hand on his shoulder and say ' I hear you.. I love you too !'.

Tears were filling my eyes listening to Lin who went on ... all of this was out there and inside here (pointing to his head and heart) but never here opening both hands ... the glass door was the communicator. I had to walk through it to take that flower into my hands .. to listen to all the sounds of life.. to fill my head and chest .. my ears with love of life.. and there it was.. I went through it.. apparently I was so immersed in my thoughts imaging am going through my glass door that I actually I was.. I went through my glass door..

Nice to meet you friend

They are not just numbers anymore

Names and pictures

Photos... smiles... colors

My friends who I never met or knew

My world... our world

I do not have to wait till next broadcast

I call a friend

I read my email

And when time allows I look at the www

What a change …

My friend who I never met

Nice to meet

Even through pictures

God they look so alive

And Alive they will always be!

I also have friends who you will meet

They were figures and counted numbers

Today I have a name for you

A wife and a son who can be my friends too

Those who made this possible is you and me

Him and her who put things together

Who out of darkness brought a LIGHT

From unknown mysteries

From puzzles and enigmas

From rigid numbers and lifeless formulas

From life and dead … life is rebuilt

Because Life is created to carry on

To continue its journey

To the moment when all will come together

That’s the lesson I learned

It is nice to meet you my friend

Even if it is on facebook

Else they will just be another figure…

Today early morning at some country time zone 6 men lost their lives, another got injured, and lots of families got devastated while waiting for news and hear the voice of their loved ones.

Today history added to its record more blood and flesh.. claimed more hatered and darkness …

Today someone told me it was just the guest house, and this should not effect our operations…

In God’s name those are men and women who we serve to have an email going through or to make a phone call…

Yeah, their families will get a big lump sum of money … just like others did… but their families will not have them for dinner anymore, they will not be there for Christmas, or when their daughter will get married… they are gone… they are a memory of someone we served…

Let’s start again.. today the guest house was hit

Men went down…

Today, the blue and white gave its ultimate donation and claim nothing

Today 6 is not the figure… today we all serve those who are out there

Today these 6 are the 6 billions that are slaughtered in the name of God

Let’s stand up and say .. they are not just figures… they are each one of us.. can you count how many we are?

In days of war we pretend to laugh , pretend to be heroes, pretend and pretend... the reality is kept in the no man land .. kept so nobody can reach and touch or even know. We try to laugh, we try to pray, then smile, then surrender, but reality always stays in the no man land.

It is not true that war teaches how to be antimaterialistic... war teaches nothing but fear and teach us how to keep reality in that zone of out-of-reachness, reality is good to be hidden.. what would I do with reality I have to survive.. forget knowing...forget ...forget..forget... but no where for forgiveness... no where for peace..its war.. are you but an idiot if you think war will take you to a wonderland once its over...

Richness in life and feelings teaches humbleness and detachment... not war... war leaves sadness, tears, anger and fear ... that's the war I lived and thought I am a hero... no heroes in war...there are only losers.. and we keep reality hidden under thousand justifications ... hide it with God the unreachable .. the Unknown... what we would want to know?...

My war was not the bomb, was not the pain, my war is the fear, is the anger ... is the painful resentment that I stayed to watch the fall ... but instead I fell, the shelter of survival could not take the weight of my fears... it collapsed...

Today am out of that shelter, in wide open life, in the reality that we can not hide, I still hide behind my fear, I still talk of the glories of war...

In memory of 19 August 2003...

Peace...

Moments of peace...
Let go that guilt
It helped me find me
Guilt helped me understand
We are friends
Guilt cries, hard to know
Because I do not want to know
Guilt pushed furhter and further
Till I could not stop
Till I allowed myself to know
Those dreams are me
Every minute me belongs elsewhere
So many IDs so many sides
Same me Guilt helped me
I never gave up trying