In days of war we pretend to laugh , pretend to be heroes, pretend and pretend... the reality is kept in the no man land .. kept so nobody can reach and touch or even know. We try to laugh, we try to pray, then smile, then surrender, but reality always stays in the no man land.

It is not true that war teaches how to be antimaterialistic... war teaches nothing but fear and teach us how to keep reality in that zone of out-of-reachness, reality is good to be hidden.. what would I do with reality I have to survive.. forget knowing...forget ...forget..forget... but no where for forgiveness... no where for peace..its war.. are you but an idiot if you think war will take you to a wonderland once its over...

Richness in life and feelings teaches humbleness and detachment... not war... war leaves sadness, tears, anger and fear ... that's the war I lived and thought I am a hero... no heroes in war...there are only losers.. and we keep reality hidden under thousand justifications ... hide it with God the unreachable .. the Unknown... what we would want to know?...

My war was not the bomb, was not the pain, my war is the fear, is the anger ... is the painful resentment that I stayed to watch the fall ... but instead I fell, the shelter of survival could not take the weight of my fears... it collapsed...

Today am out of that shelter, in wide open life, in the reality that we can not hide, I still hide behind my fear, I still talk of the glories of war...

In memory of 19 August 2003...